heatherbeard - It's always a process.

This last week we have been in JBay without a team. Honestly its been really hard. It's hard knowing that our team is growing and being challenged and we're not there to be a part of it. It's hard not feeling purposeless here. We go shopping almost everyday, of course strictly for house necessities. Ok and maybe for a sweatshirt, which dont exist, because its freezing here! We clean and have meetings all in the name of preparation. Don't get me wrong it's necessary to prepare, it's just hard. I've been told over and over to enjoy this time. Before long we will have 18 people living under one roof, coming and going throughout the day. I am looking forward to the a glorious reunion with our team on the 13th and hearing all the things I know our Father is doing in their lives. But until then I continue to prepare for their arrival. I had an awesome time with the Lord this morning. The Lord continually keeps calling me back to a process He started in me last February when I was here. Jeffrey's Bay literally means healing waters or living waters. As I keep coming back to this process the Lord continues to show me new revelations of my hearts condition. As I approached the Lord this morning I came completely open to where He wanted to go. This is an exerpt from an email I sent out this morning:

The Lord gave me a completely new understanding of the proverb "Guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life." I am realizing that my wellspring of life is completely dry. I have given my heart away and because of that its left my heart broken, and has completely turned my wellspring dry. Where does that leave me today? In a drought, plain and simple. I feel as if I have little left to give. A weak love at best. But my prayer to the Lord was just the desire to overflow with His living water. My question is how do I get there? What's the process? And as I asked these questions, tears flowed down my face as He answered You get it from me Heather. You get it from me. Let ME fill you. The Lord has to be my source. Simple yet powerful. And then for the first time in my life I wrote a poem, I think. This is me being ultimately vulnerable with you. So here you go.

The Well
Over the years this well has been a source for others.
A source that now is dry.
A source that is left unvisited.
There's a storm brewing on the horizon.
A storm that threatens a flood.
Run, take cover, hide yourself.
But a familiar voice calls out to me.
It says, "Wait.
This storm it will fill you, it will fill you.
Let it fill you."
It comes without asking.
It's heavy.
It hurts.
What is this?
I didn't ask for this.
I give up.
I don't understand.
That voice it comes and it speaks-
It says, "Let it fill you.
Be still. Let it fill you."
I'm sick of fighting.
I'm sick of running.
I'm tired.
And it fills me.
Slowly at first, then it increases and now my well its overflowing.
I'm overflowing.
And I realize I'm living.
I'm alive.
And people are drawn to this source again.
Drawn to a well of living water.